BY: Elizabeth A. Pector, MD Dr Pector is a board certified family physician in Naperville, IL and a member of the MOST Advisory Board. Her letters and articles have been published in medical journals and lay publications. She is married, and is the mother of David, born in 1991, and twins Jared and Bryan, delivered in 1997 the day after Bryan’s death from a cord accident. She has spoken on bereavement and special needs in multiples to local and national audiences, and remains interested in issues facing multiple-birth families including parent stress, prematurity, special needs, and cultural beliefs about multiple births.
Adolescence is a challenging time. Physical, mental and social development occurs at a whirlwind pace. Helping two or more children together through this transition to adulthood is both gratifying and mystifying to parents. Fortunately, most multiples have no greater trouble than singletons in navigating adolescence, and some find it easier. Twin studies in Finland revealed that twins smoked less, drank less alcohol and were more physically active than singletons, so teen twins may actually be healthier than their peers! (Ed. Note: It would be nice if this is true for higher-order multiples as well but such studies have not been done yet.)
Continue reading Adolescence: Multiple Madness?
University of Reading researchers have designed an easy to use test to detect delayed learning in premature babies. ERIC – the Early Report by Infant Caregivers – can be conducted at home by parents or caregivers using simple household objects like clothes pins, bowls, and small toys.
ERIC can be downloaded from the internet and takes about an hour to complete, but it can be done over the course of a week. Parents can take a break at any time and resume later to get the best out of their baby.
Dr. Graham Schafer, the project leader, said, “In our study ERIC identified well over 90% of the cases of delay. And crucially, if ERIC says your child is not delayed, there is over a 99% chance that is correct. So ERIC is a very reliable tool which clinicians can give to worried parents, or to anyone looking after an at-risk child. A ‘positive’ ERIC could then result in the child undergoing a Bayley.”
Bayley refers to the Bayley Scales of Infant Development, an assessment currently used in many clinics. ERIC can be used anytime between 10 – 24 months; Bayley is used at fixed points, like 24 months.
ERIC information and download.
Find more developmental information and guidelines on our website.
- Raising Multiples ….Our New Name
- Adopt a Family Thank You Notes
- Stories from the Heart Blog
HAPPY NEW YEAR We hope you have a wonderful 2015. Full of love, laughter, and joy.
Maureen Boyle has been with MOST since its start in 1987. She serves as the Executive Director and has talked to countless parents, many doctors and professionals, and has participated in quite a few media events. Maureen shares her thoughts about the new name and logo.
Have you seen this? What do you think? I LOVE it! MOST (Mothers of Supertwins) is updating, growing and changing to continue to meet the needs of families RAISING MULTIPLES.
Introducing our new name, Raising Multiples (a MOST Community); and our new logo, a quilted heart. Both represent a beautiful balance between ingenuity, hard work, skill and perseverance in light of obvious adversity which has grown into something solid, sustainable and still after almost 30 years simple and grassroots rich in tradition and able to adapt.
The quilt reminds me of the networking that is so important for expectant and all parents of multiples to do in order to learn how to better meet the unique needs of our families. This quilted heart we call a MOST community makes me think that; not just as an organization but also in each of our families, there is room enough for ALL. We are all so very, very different from each other and all still very much connected & a part of something so truly unique and beautiful and so much bigger than any one piece. We each have something important, genuine and unique to offer each other and to share within our MOST community- RAISING MULTIPLES.
Often when we speak with expectant parents they are concerned that they will just not be able to love each of their children as much as each may need. I hear this especially from parents who have one older child. They know already the deep unconditional love they have for their firstborn and are so afraid that they will just not be able to bond as deeply with each of their unborn babies. Just like with this quilt, we see that there is truly room enough for all to grow. Each has something important, genuine and unique to share and it is our responsibility as parents to help them; and each of our family members, to discover what this may be and to cherish each other for this quality that only they can share. Each of our parts; the obviously beautiful, the perfect human flaws, the seemingly broken yet perfectly shaped piece. Each of which makes our own family quilt unique and perfect in its own way. The quilt is stronger and bigger and richer because of each of the pieces. Our love for each of our children is just as deep and interestingly so different from the other. A parent’s heart has room enough for all. It grows exponentially as needed.
What may have looked like a mismatched, blemished, odd or worn out item when seen as a single piece has been changed into something truly beautiful, albeit possibly too colorful for some but completely perfect for those who are able to see it as a whole. Each family quilt is a work of art, a masterpiece and when joined together, through MOST we become something even more interesting, unusual and perfectly awesome. We are stronger because we are part of this patchwork and our connections run deep regardless of the different paths we may have taken to get to this place.
A quilt makes me think of something that is filled with so many, many stories each important and worth not only saving but also savoring and sharing. Each piece was once something else and has now become a part of something so much bigger. It is filled with tradition and longevity (much like MOST!) Our families are the heart of MOST and what they share in support of each other is what brings us together and so much bigger than any one person.
And now we are changing to Raising Multiples. This community of families is here to advocate for quality prenatal care, promote healthy deliveries, and supply information to all multiple birth families in order to support successful parenting through every phase of their children’s development.
Thanks to our friends at HealthyChildren.org for these guidelines!
Today, teenagers are bombarded with conflicting, ever-shifting standards of ethics and morality, at the very time they’re in the process of formulating a system of beliefs. This is not only confusing for them but troubling for their parents because they can no longer rely on society to reinforce the values they teach at home.
Previous generations depended upon a complex matrix of people and institutions to uphold the community’s moral codes. Extended family members, neighbors, religious and civic organizations, and schools expanded a parent’s sphere of influence beyond the home. What’s more, most mothers and fathers felt they could depend on other parents and adults in the community to back them up, to adhere to the same basic values and rules of conduct for their children. In many cases, that safety net has been stretched thin, a consequence of the high divorce rate, longer work weeks and other societal changes that have taken place over the last several decades. Continue reading Tips for Sharing Your Values with Your Teenagers
Although we’re always learning new things, our brains grow the most before age 6, when they’re about 90 percent the size of an adult brain. In an effort to learn more about the growing postnatal brain, a team of researchers have mapped the brains of infants during their first three months of life.
“A better understanding of when and how neurodevelopmental disorders arise in the postnatal period may help assist in therapeutic development,” said Dr. Dominic Holland, first author of the study published in JAMA Neurology. “Early intervention during a period of high neuroplasticity could mitigate severity of the disorders in later years.”
Up until now, most doctors used measuring tape to measure babies’ skull sizes, but by creating a template of the actual brain regions and their size, doctors will be better able to see when things start to go wrong. Studies have shown that neurodevelopmental disorders, such as depression, anxiety and ADHD can arise from poor brain development. The child may then go on to have difficulty socializing, succeeding in school, and working in the real world later on.
Holland and his colleagues found that the brain grew the quickest right after birth, at an average rate of one percent each day. By the end of the third month, it had slowed to a growing rate of 0.4 percent each day. When it came to specific parts of the brain, they found that the cerebellum, where movement is controlled, nearly doubled in size over the study period. It was also the fastest growing area of the brain. The slowest growing area was the hippocampus, which is responsible for memories.
The research also proved once again that babies born preterm are at a higher risk of illness. Those born a week early had a brain that was “four to five percent smaller than expected for a full-term baby,” Holland said. “The brains of premature babies actually grow faster than those of term-born babies, but that’s because they’re effectively younger — and younger means faster growth.” Still, he noted that preterm babies’ brains were two percent smaller at the end of the study term.
The study was performed using MRI brain scans, which 87 healthy babies were given during their first week of life. Some of them followed up with subsequent brain scans at the end of the first month, then again at the end of three months. The researchers said that if future studies analyze a larger group of babies, creating a reference point for neurodevelopmental disorders will be possible.
The MOST family has much to be thankful for this year.
We are especially thankful for YOU who always supports MOST.
Have a warm and wonderful Thanksgiving and thanks for all you do for MOST!
We have all heard that total entertainment screen time (TV, computer, tablet, etc…) should be limited to less than 1 to 2 hours per day for children, and kids under age two should not be exposed at all. But that can be hard to do!
Here are 10 tips to help you stop wasting time on junk viewing and get the most out of TV.
- Expect to encounter resistance at first. After all, change is never easy. If yours is a household where the TV regularly blares for five, six or seven hours a day, wean the family gradually. Try cutting down by an hour a week or go cold turkey. The two-hour maximum includes time spent in front of any screen, including the computer and video games.
- Make TV viewing an active choice, as if you were picking a movie from the newspaper. “How about if we watch at seven-thirty?”
- Hide the remote! Eliminate channel surfing, which encourages passive viewing. When family members have to get up to change the channel, they may be more selective about the programs they watch. If nothing else, at least they’ll be getting some exercise.
- When the show you wanted to watch is over, turn off the set. Also, if the program you choose isn’t compelling enough to watch actively, it’s not worth keeping on as background noise.
- Make a household rule: no TV in your youngster’s bedroom. Although adolescents deserve their privacy, they hardly need another reason to isolate themselves from the rest of the family. Children should watch their favorite shows in a central area of the home. Even if you’re not sitting down with them, this allows for conversation when you’re passing through and enables you to keep closer tabs on what they’re watching.
- Whenever possible, videotape programs and watch them later. Fast-forwarding through commercials will shave ten minutes off every hour of TV viewing, not to mention help your youngster hold on to her allowance longer. (When watching TV in “real time,” mute the sound during the breaks.) Taping shows ahead of time also allows you to hit the PAUSE button when you want to make a point or have a family discussion about something you’ve just seen onscreen.
- Discourage repeated viewings of the same video. The graphic language, violence and sexual content of movies rated PG-13 and R can have a cumulative effect on a child if they’re watched over and over again.
- Harness the power of television in a positive way. For all its flaws, TV can be a valuable tool for learning and expanding one’s awareness of the world.
- Check the listings for programs that explore areas of interest to him.
- Use events in the news and subjects of fictitious programs as springboards for discussion.
- Encourage your youngster to broaden her horizons by watching programs that transport her to other times and places, or that expose her to different perspectives or philosophies.
- Make use of ratings systems to know whether or not a program or movie is appropriate for your child.
- Talk back to your TV – “Vote with Your Remote.” Many parents are rightfully perturbed about the seemingly endless stream of violence and sex in television programs and films, including those aimed at young people. We should be equally concerned about what they don’t show: namely, the real-life consequences of such actions. For example, 75 percent of the violent scenes on TV fail to show the perpetrator expressing remorse, or being criticized or penalized for his actions. Similarly, a study from the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation found that over a one-week period, roughly 90 percent of the television programs containing sex scenes did not include a single reference to the risk of pregnancy or acquiring a sexually transmitted disease from unprotected sex.
- RSV Season Has Begun
- Prematurity Awareness Month
- International Multiple Birth Awareness Week
- Adopt A Family – starting soon!
- Stories from the Heart blog
You may remember a previous article about Rice University students who invented a portable CPAP machine that fit in a shoe box. Now Rice students have invented another low-cost tool for NICUs in developing countries.
The BreathAlert device, originally designed in 2012 by engineering students as their senior capstone project, will be evaluated and optimized to detect and correct episodes of apnea in low-resource settings where traditional vital-signs monitoring is not available.
The work is part of an ongoing collaboration with pediatricians at Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital in Blantyre, Malawi, who identified the critical need for low-cost monitoring tools and have provided clinical guidance on the project, said Maria Oden, director of Rice’s Oshman Engineering Design Kitchen.
“Sixty seven percent of babies born before 32 weeks’ gestation suffer from apnea of prematurity, so that is well over a million babies a year, worldwide,” Oden said. “If a baby stops breathing in the developed world, an alarm immediately summons a nurse to intervene. That nurse will usually pat the baby vigorously to wake them up.
“In a busy ward where there might be 40 babies and one overworked nurse, this baby’s survival is really a game of chance. It relies on this nurse to observe the baby at the exact moment they stop breathing and intervene. BreathAlert was designed to detect and automatically intervene in cases of apnea.”
The low-cost device incorporates a stretch sensor that wraps around a child’s chest and a vibrator that activates if the child stops breathing for more than 15 seconds. They are currently testing how well it can detect breaths and apnea on breathing mannequins. They are also testing it on full-term infants in Houston hospitals to see if it can accurately detect breaths and if its vibration can stir sleeping babies.
Many parents assume that “discipline” refers to ways to carry out effective punishment. However, teaching discipline really means teaching self-control. In most cases, you will find that you have 3 choices when confronted with a particular behavior in your child: you can praise the behavior, deliberately ignore it, or punish your child for it. Of course, it is not always easy to decide whether a behavior deserves to be ignored or punished, and it is not always obvious when and how to provide praise.
Many parents using behavior therapy techniques rely on the following simple rules when interacting with their children:
- If you want to see a behavior continue, praise it.
- If you do not like a behavior but it is not dangerous or intolerable, ignore it.
- If you have to stop a behavior that is dangerous or intolerable (for instance, your child hitting a sibling to hurt her, not just to get your attention), punish it.
Consider how much more powerful and, in most cases, preferable positive reinforcement and ignoring are to punishment, even though in the heat of the moment this may go against your instincts or intuition. It may help to think about how much more likely you are to work hard when your supervisor at work recognizes and praises your efforts, and how poorly motivated and resentful you may feel if she frequently criticizes you. In the same way, your child is more likely to respond positively to your actions if you react positively to her, while a negative comment or response on your part is likely to lead to more negative behavior.
Giving Clear Commands
The first step in helping your child learn to follow rules, obey your commands, and otherwise manage her own behavior is to make sure that the commands you give her are clear. Adults are often accustomed to couching their commands in a variety of “softening” or ambiguous gestures and phrases. Many of us also tend to react too strongly or impulsively to behavior we consider unacceptable.
Establish good eye contact. You must fully engage your child’s attention by making good eye contact if she is going to hear and follow what you say. At first, you may find it helpful to touch a younger child’s arm or hold her hand before addressing her.
Clearly state the command. You can make commands clear to your child by first stating what behavior therapists call a terminating command—a simple, non-emotional statement of what you want your child to do (“You need to stop pushing your brother.”). If the behavior does not stop immediately, you can then follow up with a warning that includes the exact limit and the consequences (“If you push your brother one more time, you’ll be in time-out. If you stop immediately, the two of you can go on playing.”). When stating a command, keep your tone of voice firm and neutral. Refrain from yelling, or looking or sounding angry. It is especially important to monitor your body language because these nonverbal messages are so easy for parents to overlook. State the command as an instruction, not as a question (Not, “Would you please stop teasing your brother?” or “Stop teasing him, OK?” but “You need to stop teasing your brother.”).
If you are not sure your child heard the terminating command or warning, ask her to repeat it back to you. Then pay attention to whether she carries out your instructions and respond immediately to her behavior. If she responds as you have asked, respond positively with praise, thanks, a thumbs-up, a high five, or other acknowledgment that she has done well. If her response is not exactly what you had hoped for but is in the right direction, offer her immediate praise for the part of your command that she did carry out. If your child does not start to respond according to the limits you have set (“one more time” or “within the next two minutes”) invoke the consequences that you have already set, calmly narrating what is happening as you do so (“You did not stop pushing your brother, so you’ll have the five-minute time-out that we just talked about.”) Keep in mind that because you have given a warning and a terminating command and spelled out the consequences for complying or disobeying, if she does not follow your instructions you have not “put her in” the time-out—she has “chosen” the time-out for herself as an alternative to following your command. This is a key point. If you give your child a command, she doesn’t comply, and you immediately “put her” in time-out, you have skipped the step of her choosing whether to receive the positive or negative consequence. You have lost an opportunity to teach her self-control.
If you make a point of following through on the positive or negative consequences of each command, every time, you should soon find that you will not have to repeat your instructions over and over as you probably did before. Your ultimate goal will be to give a command only once for it to be obeyed. Parents often complain, “I have to say it eight times before she does it.” Children are thinking, “The first seven times are free! Then she gets angry and I finally have to do it.” Keep in mind that if you are going to try to follow up on each command you give, you will need to consider beforehand how important the command you are about to give is. Limiting the number of commands you give will make it easier for you to follow up on each and every one, thus increasing your chances of success.
This is National Teen Driver Safety Week. Here’s some good information from AAA.
Car crashes are the leading cause of death for teens in the United States. Teen drivers are involved in more crashes per mile driven than drivers of any other age group.
Parents play the biggest role in keeping their teens safe behind the wheel. Risky driving, traffic violations and crashes are lower among teens whose parents set limits on their driving privileges.
What better time than during Teen Driver Safety Week to establish a parent-teen driving agreement—having rules and restrictions written down in advance establishes driving as a privilege. Click HERE to download the AAA parent-teen agreement.
We encourage you to visit our teen website, Keys2Drive, for a full range of tools to help you and your teen throughout the learning-to-drive process. Get the information you need on driver education, GDL, insurance, risks and responsibilities, all in ONE place, TeenDriving.AAA.com.
National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
Especially in the month of October, we remember families that have experienced a loss of one or more of their precious children. In the United States, October 15 of each year is proclaimed as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Lighting a candle at 7pm for one hour, wherever you are, will create a wave of light around the world!
For more information, articles, resources, offer and receive support and to share memorials visit the MOST Memorial Page, and Bereavement and Loss links. There are MOST families that have lost one of their babies and others that have lost more than one, even all of them. If you would like to connect with others who have similar circumstances, please contact the MOST office at 631-859-1110, join us on the Family Support Forums, or email Info@MOSTonline.org.
Thinking of Halloween yet?
Halloween is celebrated by many families this month. There are many terrific photos in the MOST flickr gallery with some cute costume ideas. Perhaps you will see a family you know!
Check them out and PLEASE share your photos with us!
See more Halloween photos here.
Fire Prevention Month
If your children are elementary school age, most likely you will receive many papers and activities about Fire Prevention Month. However, if your children are younger, home-schooled, or in high school or beyond, here is some information, articles and activities you need to read. Then National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) has a free ebook and app available (geared to ages preK- 5th). On the same page are mazes, games, print outs and downloads about fire and fire safety. ABCteach also has some downloads and print outs on their Fire Safety Month page.
Free articles: Fire Exit Strategies: Plans for 2 or more children
National Teen Drive Safety Week Oct 19-25
Keeping our children safe is important for all ages, at home or on the road. Some teens need more guidance than others. Not sure what you need to do to help keep your teen safe behind the wheel? Set the rules, make a contract, enforce the consequences. (remind you of the toddler years?)
The five rules for every drive, can you name them? No Cell Phones, No Extra Passengers, No Speeding, No Alcohol, and Always Buckle-up.
Stories from the Heart Blog
Check out the recent articles posted on the MOST Stories from the Heart blog
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Today at 7:00 pm in all time zones, families around the United States will light candles in memory all of the precious babies who have been lost during pregnancy or in infancy. Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never coming to terms with their loss.
If you or someone you know has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss due to SIDS/SUID, prematurity or other cause, we hope you will join us in this national tribute to create awareness of these tragic infant deaths and provide support to those that are suffering.
More information can be found here.