Separate
Classes
by Jeannine mother of triplets Denis, Stephen & Kristin, and younger brother Bryan
(published in SUPERTWINS #12 - March 1991)
When
my triplets, Denis, Stephen, and Kristin, started nursery school
at 4 years, there wasn't really any choice but to send them together
to the same class. Since most of the reasonably priced nursery
schools in my area had only one or two morning or afternoon classes,
if I wanted my children in different classes I either would have
had to drive them to three different schools or send them to morning
and afternoon sessions (with no break for me!) For their first
school experience, anyway, I felt that the separation from me
was difficult enough and that being together would give them a
sense of security in this new situation. It worked out well and
although they played with each other quite often, they also formed
friendships with different children in their class. Their teacher
also helped by making attempts to separate them in the classroom
when having small group activities.
Their
elementary school, however, has three kindergarten classes (and
added a fourth shortly after the beginning of school). I felt
it was best for them to be separated in different classes to become
independent from one another and to develop as individuals. The
school district must have had a policy to separate multiples,
when possible, as this was arranged without any consultation with
me. The first few weeks were difficult for my children (with lots
of tears!) but they warmed up to their classrooms and made a lot
of their own friends. If they had had any major problems in adapting
to the situation, I probably would have requested that they be
put together for another year, but I feel that the advantages
outweigh any disadvantages in separating the children in school.
The
advantages of separation seem to be mainly for the children and
teachers. The children can develop their talents individually,
there is less opportunity for them to compare themselves to each
other and for the teacher to compare them, and they can grow socially
by seeking out friendships with peers rather than depending on
each other. There tends to be enough competition and comparison
between peers in school without adding to it the competitive nature
of sibling relationships. The advantages for the teacher are that
it's easier to identify the individual child and they can't compare
or confuse the children (especially in the case of identicals).
The advantage to the parents comes in the comfort and knowledge
that their children are being treated as individuals rather than
clumped as a group and the assurance that the teacher is not confusing
the children when describing their strengths and weaknesses at
conference times.
The
disadvantage of separate classes seem to be mainly for the parents.
The parents must deal with three different teachers with different
methods, expectations, etc., three different class schedules (for
specials such as gym, library) and three different homework assignments
each night. The first parents' meeting of the year is always difficult
as I still haven't figured out how to be in three places at the
same time; but the teachers are very accommodating and helpful,
and other parents help out by taking notes. A disadvantage for
the children is that they don't have the support of each other
and the security it gives. They also tend to compare their teachers,
the special activities, and they work they do. I have to remind
them that teachers are different, they do things differently,
grade differently, and do special activities at different times.
It all seems to even out at the end!
While
I feel that having my children in separate classes is what is
best for them now, I think each situation needs to be judged separately.
If there was ever a situation where there was a serious conflict
between a teacher and one of my children or myself, I would not
be against having two or all three of them together.
Before
writing this, I asked my children if they would rather be in the
same class together. Denis and Stephen said yes, they would, but
they couldn't tell me why. My daughter, Kristin, said it didn't
matter. She didn't care if they were together or apart. Oh well
- as in all the decisions we make as parents, we can only hope
that our choices work out for the best. There' s always time in
middle school and high school for the children to share classes!
Other MOST resources for parents of school-age multiples:
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Updated 5/25/07
