How can I best support my sister/friend/co-worker who has lost one or
more of her babies in a multiple birth pregnancy?
be willing to listen if either parent wants to talk! Ask them what they feel would
be most helpful. Parents' choices can vary a great deal. Many mothers
in this situation feel awkward in public for the rest of pregnancy, and
want to avoid explaining their circumstances to strangers.
- Offer to shop,
take older children to school, and notify people who should know about
the loss so the parents can limit uncomfortable conversations.
- Suggest that
the parents contact CLIMB*, hospital bereavement counselors or clergy to plan final
arrangements for the deceased.
- Encourage the parents to talk with the doctor about options for seeing all of the babies after delivery. Some parents
want photos of all babies together or commission a sketch from separate
the deceased child's birth and death dates, and acknowledge that baby
by name on future birthdays or anniversaries.
- Send a congratulations card acknowledging
the birth of the whole set with separate condolence and sympathy cards.
- Make a phone
call saying "We're thinking of you and we're sorry for your loss,"
are all appropriate.
Do not minimize the loss by saying "At least
you have survivors" or "He's not in pain now," or invoke
religion by saying "It's God's will" or "She's an angel." Do not give away an extra crib, stroller, clothing, etc. without the parents'
permission. They will do this in their own time.
above information was provided by Elizabeth Pector M.D.
MOST provides these FAQs for informational purposes and cautions visitors
not to use the content below to make treatment decisions without personally
consulting a qualified health care provider. Reuse of this content without
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Copyright MOST 2005 Updated 8/11/08